I've studied, worked with and learned from love in a multitude of ways over the years. Given my profession, it makes sense that often the books I choose, movies I watch, and people I surround myself with center around laughter and love. 

Love is amazing, it can ignite your soul in a way that makes all things feel possible. Studies show that being with a person you deeply care about releases oxytocin into your blood stream which reduces stress, increases joy, and promotes additional loving behavior.  Being with someone you love or even thinking loving thoughts about them actually makes you happier. How awesome is that? But, love can also be torturous.  The smartest, most wonderful people in the world struggle with how to give and receive the love they want from the people they want it from. So, when it feels so good how can love be so hard?

Well, it's all got to do with investments. Love is nothing if not a long term investment, and when our investments are not paying out the way we believe they should people tend to get cranky. Cranky people become hurt people, and then often pull their investment (i.e. if I'm not getting a simple hello from you, then I'm not coming home on time tomorrow). Or they shut off from their partner, stop acting kind, and stop treating their partner as their friend. Pulling investments sends their love stock plummeting  And that sucks for everyone involved. 

Shame is a very powerful feeling, it can wreak havoc on all areas of your life. How you feel about yourself, how well you do at work, how you interact with food, how good you are in relationships, or in bed, these things are all linked to your relationship with shame. If you feel shameful about an area of your life, it's likely exerting a lot more power over you than you'd like. 

Shame does not have to make you it's mistress. Instead, use shame's ultimate opposite to start fighting back. Be vulnerable. Whoow... scary concept I know. The things is, shame breeds secrets, and most secrets make us feel bad, or hold great power over us. And who wants that?

It's time to take our power back, one omission at a time. Before you begin, make sure you choose your audience wisely. You don't want to expose yourself more to someone who will use information against you, make you feel ashamed of what you are sharing, or won't treat you with respect and love (i.e. if a person calls you fatty, this is not the person to share your shame over your weight with...in fact this is not a person to be around at all). 

So, how do you know when you are having an opportunity to fight shame... well the easiest way is to listen to that voice in the back of your head that says "never tell anyone about this EVER!!", and then find a trusted friend, and do exactly what that voice said not to. TELL. 

Over the last 6 months I've been more engage in my assault on shame, and to be quite honest, I'm kind of kicking butt at it.. Anytime I think "don't tell" or "please let no one have seen that", I automatically out myself. Usually to my husband, but other times to close friends.  I use omission so much in fact that sometimes my husband has barely come through the door when I'm sharing my embarrassing experience, and rendering it powerless. Whoohoo, go me! I've learned I don't want to be a part of a shame based system, I want to live empowered, and feeling awesome in who I am. And I do... so how about your? Why not be a bit more honest, and start to feel a little better about the beautiful mess you are. Who knows, eventually you might lose the mess and simply be left with the beauty.

Albert Einstein once said "Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results". It is well known that this theoretical physicist was a genius, and achieved things within his lifetime that forever revolutionized the way people looked at the world. However, when I hear that quote, I understand where it comes from, but would instead put forth a different theory. I believe that doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results is human nature. It is also incredibly frustrating, and thus is can make you feel insane.

When we are dealing with a problem it is common to want to fix it. The problem may be your relationship with your partner, you interaction with your weight, your child's temper tantrums, or anything really. But most of us when dealing with the problem, tend to get on the same track of interaction over and over.

So let's experiment, shall we? This week I challenge you to do one thing different in your interaction, and just see what happens. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just something different than your normal quick response. If could be as small as a smile, go out and give it a tr.