Shame is a very powerful feeling, it can wreak havoc on all areas of your life. How you feel about yourself, how well you do at work, how you interact with food, how good you are in relationships, or in bed, these things are all linked to your relationship with shame. If you feel shameful about an area of your life, it's likely exerting a lot more power over you than you'd like.
Shame does not have to make you it's mistress. Instead, use shame's ultimate opposite to start fighting back. Be vulnerable. Whoow... scary concept I know. The things is, shame breeds secrets, and most secrets make us feel bad, or hold great power over us. And who wants that?
It's time to take our power back, one omission at a time. Before you begin, make sure you choose your audience wisely. You don't want to expose yourself more to someone who will use information against you, make you feel ashamed of what you are sharing, or won't treat you with respect and love (i.e. if a person calls you fatty, this is not the person to share your shame over your weight with...in fact this is not a person to be around at all).
So, how do you know when you are having an opportunity to fight shame... well the easiest way is to listen to that voice in the back of your head that says "never tell anyone about this EVER!!", and then find a trusted friend, and do exactly what that voice said not to. TELL.
Over the last 6 months I've been more engage in my assault on shame, and to be quite honest, I'm kind of kicking butt at it.. Anytime I think "don't tell" or "please let no one have seen that", I automatically out myself. Usually to my husband, but other times to close friends. I use omission so much in fact that sometimes my husband has barely come through the door when I'm sharing my embarrassing experience, and rendering it powerless. Whoohoo, go me! I've learned I don't want to be a part of a shame based system, I want to live empowered, and feeling awesome in who I am. And I do... so how about your? Why not be a bit more honest, and start to feel a little better about the beautiful mess you are. Who knows, eventually you might lose the mess and simply be left with the beauty.
Shame does not have to make you it's mistress. Instead, use shame's ultimate opposite to start fighting back. Be vulnerable. Whoow... scary concept I know. The things is, shame breeds secrets, and most secrets make us feel bad, or hold great power over us. And who wants that?
It's time to take our power back, one omission at a time. Before you begin, make sure you choose your audience wisely. You don't want to expose yourself more to someone who will use information against you, make you feel ashamed of what you are sharing, or won't treat you with respect and love (i.e. if a person calls you fatty, this is not the person to share your shame over your weight with...in fact this is not a person to be around at all).
So, how do you know when you are having an opportunity to fight shame... well the easiest way is to listen to that voice in the back of your head that says "never tell anyone about this EVER!!", and then find a trusted friend, and do exactly what that voice said not to. TELL.
Over the last 6 months I've been more engage in my assault on shame, and to be quite honest, I'm kind of kicking butt at it.. Anytime I think "don't tell" or "please let no one have seen that", I automatically out myself. Usually to my husband, but other times to close friends. I use omission so much in fact that sometimes my husband has barely come through the door when I'm sharing my embarrassing experience, and rendering it powerless. Whoohoo, go me! I've learned I don't want to be a part of a shame based system, I want to live empowered, and feeling awesome in who I am. And I do... so how about your? Why not be a bit more honest, and start to feel a little better about the beautiful mess you are. Who knows, eventually you might lose the mess and simply be left with the beauty.
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