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It gets better....

10/24/2013

 
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One of the things I always tell my clients is that things will likely get worse, before they get better. But here's the important part to remember it usually does get better. When you are in the throws of sadness, and fits of anger, remember that this is the middle. There is a better and that is the point you are working towards. It can get better, and in reality when you are down deep, there is a lot of opportunity for things to get better.

So  hang on. Do the basics of what you can do in the time you can do it, and give yourself a bit of a break over what you can't control. Maybe even work towards forgiving yourself and accepting that although it's not pleasant this is just the way things are right now. The important part to remember is that this situation/mood/feeling/experience is temporary, and although it sucks, you can move through it, and mostly likely will.

So hold on tight, and keep going. Remember when you are climbing a mountain, sometimes it can feel like you are staring at a wall of massive rock, but just take a moment to imagine the view from the top, and how you'll feel when you get there. You can do this, just keep going.  

How to get the most out of therapy

10/17/2013

 
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Therapy is an emotionally taxing experience, plus without good insurance reimbursement it can be hard on the pocket book. So, how do you get the most out of therapy? 

1. Find the right fit. The number one predictor of success in therapy is your therapeutic relationship...that means your relationship with your therapist - what that boils down to is your feeling of being heard, understood and connected to your therapist. So, if you are doing therapy and you just don't feel like your therapist gets it, or gets you, FIND A DIFFERENT therapist. Seriously, I'd much rather have a person end therapy with me to go to another therapist than give up on therapy all together.


2. Show up. You might think this is a given, but it can be hard for many reasons for people to follow through with therapy. But here is the obvious truth, people can't get help from a therapist unless they see a therapist. If you have begun the path towards healing, hold on and go with it. The best thing you can do to increase your odds of therapy actually working is to show up for it. Come to your appointments, and have them frequently until things are easier, then you and your therapist can discuss tapering down or ending therapy.

3. Be honest.  Lying to your therapist only hurts yourself, your relationships and your potential for healing. Your therapist doesn't care about you "presenting well" and knows that real life can be difficult; heck it's why you are here. Be honest about what is happening, the good, bad and ugly. There isn't much you can tell me that I haven't heard before, or heard something a lot worse. Go ahead and try to surprise me.

4. Be authentic with your emotions. If you start to cry or get angry, you don't need to hold back, or pretend the emotion isn't there. Emotion is an awesome communicator. I want to know what those tears would say if they could talk, so give them some space and a voice to be present, and be heard. 

5.  Accept the process. There are going to be good times and bad times with therapy. In fact, I often tell my clients that they should expect that things will likely get worse before they get better. But that is okay. I know it doesn't feel okay, but not judging yourself on how you are experiencing therapy or how fast you are improving is important to your success. Therapy is a process of wound care,  and many of these wounds have been going on for years. The process of healing can be painful, but true healing needs to happen at a deeper level, so that means pulling off the band-aids or the scabs to get at the root of the pain and working out of that woundedness.

6. Write things down. There have been times were a client has left my office totally pumped about what we talked about, and the next week they return deflated, and say "I forgot that thing you said that helped me". Sometimes I'll even write things down for my clients, but it is a great tool for you to jot down what hits home. Especially since in the future you won't need me and there will be things that happen in your life that help as long as you remember them. If you get into the habit of jotting things down now, just think of the resource bank you will be creating for yourself!

There you have it, the steps to improve your odds of therapy working. Plus one more  thing to keep in mind... There is Hope for you; it can get better.


Hype vs. Reality

10/8/2013

 
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We live in an era where,there is a motivational poster for everything. Don't get me wrong, I love a good encouraging, loving mantra as much as the next therapist. In fact I often encourage the use of mantras to begin increasing positive self talk, but seriously sometimes its just hype. And well, sadly, there are times when circumstances out weight all the hype, and reality can still suck. 

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be all, dooms day, but it is the truth. There are bits of hardship and sadness that the right words from a friend or loved one can lift you out from, and then there are the depths of depression, the throws of grief, and the agony of pain that no motivational poster or soft word from another can touch. Although I would love just the right words to make those things better, a few words or phrases are just not gonna do it. 

It is a process.

Recently I've had to go through more process in my life than I expected. I am used to helping other process through things, and am rather patient about the pace of growth and the hardship that is experienced when someone is raw and healing. But in my own life, it is harder to practice patience. 

In late August I hurt my back, and I modified my life (mostly my workouts) and routines around the house to accommodate my new pain. Things were tender, and some days were worse than others but overall there was improvement. Then in mid-September I re-injured my back to a debilitating level, as in I couldn't sit in one position for more than a minute, I couldn't sleep, and I simply couldn't function. I did stretches, I watched countless videos about how to alleviate back pain, but instead it only got worse, and so did my mood.  

I began seeing a chiropractor 2.5 weeks ago, and thankfully that has reduced the pain remarkably, but that didn't happen quickly. It took 6 sessions with a chiropractor before I was given the green light to try a gentle workout again, and unfortunately my bed is still too soft to sleep on, but I have faith that I will get through this, it just won't be quick. 

Last week after session number 4, the chiropractor remarked "oh, you actually have a personality now." which I found quite funny. It was also very true. When I was in excruciating pain, I didn't feel like myself, it was hard to function let alone joke, or be cheerful, or available. It was a good reminder for me about how slow the process can be when there are things outside our control going on (an unwelcome reminder, but still good in a way). Yes, those quotes, or blog posts from others with words of encouragement or similar stories of despair turned to triumph can be inspirational to read, but not when a person is at the absolute bottom of themselves. Then people who say motivational things seem a bit vapid and unsympathetic, because to hear motivation and have it be truly inspiring a person has to be ready, and sometimes being ready takes its own process to get to

So today, please consider just how hard simply functioning might be for a person, and give them a little more empathy. Yes, they might not be bubbling forth with exuberance and joy, but they might be doing a whole lot better than the day before so don't be down on them about where they are at, and instead give them some space for their process. And if the one down is you, be loving towards yourself and be patient with where you are... and of course consider seeing someone like me to help ease the burden. You don't have to be in this agony alone.

    Rebecca's Reflections

    Thoughts and musings to consider.

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