We live in an era where,there is a motivational poster for everything. Don't get me wrong, I love a good encouraging, loving mantra as much as the next therapist. In fact I often encourage the use of mantras to begin increasing positive self talk, but seriously sometimes its just hype. And well, sadly, there are times when circumstances out weight all the hype, and reality can still suck.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be all, dooms day, but it is the truth. There are bits of hardship and sadness that the right words from a friend or loved one can lift you out from, and then there are the depths of depression, the throws of grief, and the agony of pain that no motivational poster or soft word from another can touch. Although I would love just the right words to make those things better, a few words or phrases are just not gonna do it.
It is a process.
Recently I've had to go through more process in my life than I expected. I am used to helping other process through things, and am rather patient about the pace of growth and the hardship that is experienced when someone is raw and healing. But in my own life, it is harder to practice patience.
In late August I hurt my back, and I modified my life (mostly my workouts) and routines around the house to accommodate my new pain. Things were tender, and some days were worse than others but overall there was improvement. Then in mid-September I re-injured my back to a debilitating level, as in I couldn't sit in one position for more than a minute, I couldn't sleep, and I simply couldn't function. I did stretches, I watched countless videos about how to alleviate back pain, but instead it only got worse, and so did my mood.
I began seeing a chiropractor 2.5 weeks ago, and thankfully that has reduced the pain remarkably, but that didn't happen quickly. It took 6 sessions with a chiropractor before I was given the green light to try a gentle workout again, and unfortunately my bed is still too soft to sleep on, but I have faith that I will get through this, it just won't be quick.
Last week after session number 4, the chiropractor remarked "oh, you actually have a personality now." which I found quite funny. It was also very true. When I was in excruciating pain, I didn't feel like myself, it was hard to function let alone joke, or be cheerful, or available. It was a good reminder for me about how slow the process can be when there are things outside our control going on (an unwelcome reminder, but still good in a way). Yes, those quotes, or blog posts from others with words of encouragement or similar stories of despair turned to triumph can be inspirational to read, but not when a person is at the absolute bottom of themselves. Then people who say motivational things seem a bit vapid and unsympathetic, because to hear motivation and have it be truly inspiring a person has to be ready, and sometimes being ready takes its own process to get to
So today, please consider just how hard simply functioning might be for a person, and give them a little more empathy. Yes, they might not be bubbling forth with exuberance and joy, but they might be doing a whole lot better than the day before so don't be down on them about where they are at, and instead give them some space for their process. And if the one down is you, be loving towards yourself and be patient with where you are... and of course consider seeing someone like me to help ease the burden. You don't have to be in this agony alone.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be all, dooms day, but it is the truth. There are bits of hardship and sadness that the right words from a friend or loved one can lift you out from, and then there are the depths of depression, the throws of grief, and the agony of pain that no motivational poster or soft word from another can touch. Although I would love just the right words to make those things better, a few words or phrases are just not gonna do it.
It is a process.
Recently I've had to go through more process in my life than I expected. I am used to helping other process through things, and am rather patient about the pace of growth and the hardship that is experienced when someone is raw and healing. But in my own life, it is harder to practice patience.
In late August I hurt my back, and I modified my life (mostly my workouts) and routines around the house to accommodate my new pain. Things were tender, and some days were worse than others but overall there was improvement. Then in mid-September I re-injured my back to a debilitating level, as in I couldn't sit in one position for more than a minute, I couldn't sleep, and I simply couldn't function. I did stretches, I watched countless videos about how to alleviate back pain, but instead it only got worse, and so did my mood.
I began seeing a chiropractor 2.5 weeks ago, and thankfully that has reduced the pain remarkably, but that didn't happen quickly. It took 6 sessions with a chiropractor before I was given the green light to try a gentle workout again, and unfortunately my bed is still too soft to sleep on, but I have faith that I will get through this, it just won't be quick.
Last week after session number 4, the chiropractor remarked "oh, you actually have a personality now." which I found quite funny. It was also very true. When I was in excruciating pain, I didn't feel like myself, it was hard to function let alone joke, or be cheerful, or available. It was a good reminder for me about how slow the process can be when there are things outside our control going on (an unwelcome reminder, but still good in a way). Yes, those quotes, or blog posts from others with words of encouragement or similar stories of despair turned to triumph can be inspirational to read, but not when a person is at the absolute bottom of themselves. Then people who say motivational things seem a bit vapid and unsympathetic, because to hear motivation and have it be truly inspiring a person has to be ready, and sometimes being ready takes its own process to get to
So today, please consider just how hard simply functioning might be for a person, and give them a little more empathy. Yes, they might not be bubbling forth with exuberance and joy, but they might be doing a whole lot better than the day before so don't be down on them about where they are at, and instead give them some space for their process. And if the one down is you, be loving towards yourself and be patient with where you are... and of course consider seeing someone like me to help ease the burden. You don't have to be in this agony alone.
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