I've studied, worked with and learned from love in a multitude of ways over the years. Given my profession, it makes sense that often the books I choose, movies I watch, and people I surround myself with center around laughter and love.
Love is amazing, it can ignite your soul in a way that makes all things feel possible. Studies show that being with a person you deeply care about releases oxytocin into your blood stream which reduces stress, increases joy, and promotes additional loving behavior. Being with someone you love or even thinking loving thoughts about them actually makes you happier. How awesome is that? But, love can also be torturous. The smartest, most wonderful people in the world struggle with how to give and receive the love they want from the people they want it from. So, when it feels so good how can love be so hard?
Well, it's all got to do with investments. Love is nothing if not a long term investment, and when our investments are not paying out the way we believe they should people tend to get cranky. Cranky people become hurt people, and then often pull their investment (i.e. if I'm not getting a simple hello from you, then I'm not coming home on time tomorrow). Or they shut off from their partner, stop acting kind, and stop treating their partner as their friend. Pulling investments sends their love stock plummeting And that sucks for everyone involved.
Love is amazing, it can ignite your soul in a way that makes all things feel possible. Studies show that being with a person you deeply care about releases oxytocin into your blood stream which reduces stress, increases joy, and promotes additional loving behavior. Being with someone you love or even thinking loving thoughts about them actually makes you happier. How awesome is that? But, love can also be torturous. The smartest, most wonderful people in the world struggle with how to give and receive the love they want from the people they want it from. So, when it feels so good how can love be so hard?
Well, it's all got to do with investments. Love is nothing if not a long term investment, and when our investments are not paying out the way we believe they should people tend to get cranky. Cranky people become hurt people, and then often pull their investment (i.e. if I'm not getting a simple hello from you, then I'm not coming home on time tomorrow). Or they shut off from their partner, stop acting kind, and stop treating their partner as their friend. Pulling investments sends their love stock plummeting And that sucks for everyone involved.
When love stock plummets it affects the whole market. Suddenly stocks in things you didn't even know you were investing in drop, and others shoot up in their place. Instead of the high numbers and dividends you were receiving in affection, sexual intimacy, laughter, joy, and a desire to connect, you now have high shares of resentment, jealousy, contempt, frustration, and loneliness Those shares do nothing to improve your relationship, and often make people act ugly towards each other and themselves.
So, what things can you do to increase your stock in love? Simple... or simply one of the most difficult things... Buy in more to the things that build love. Even when loving is hard, and your partner is prickly, love them anyway. Take interest in them, be their friend and treat them as your most valued friend. Buy shares of kindness, gentleness, empathy, forgiveness, and compassion. Make sure to also buy 3xs the share of listening that you think might be necessary, because you can never truly listen enough to the person who matters to you the most. Then make time for your partner. Don't give up simply because it is hard, or that you are not getting the response you want. Love is an everyday adventure, and is continually built or destroyed...think about that for a moment, if you are not at this very moment building love it is atrophying...and who wants a dead love life?
So, what things can you do to increase your stock in love? Simple... or simply one of the most difficult things... Buy in more to the things that build love. Even when loving is hard, and your partner is prickly, love them anyway. Take interest in them, be their friend and treat them as your most valued friend. Buy shares of kindness, gentleness, empathy, forgiveness, and compassion. Make sure to also buy 3xs the share of listening that you think might be necessary, because you can never truly listen enough to the person who matters to you the most. Then make time for your partner. Don't give up simply because it is hard, or that you are not getting the response you want. Love is an everyday adventure, and is continually built or destroyed...think about that for a moment, if you are not at this very moment building love it is atrophying...and who wants a dead love life?
Yes, there is always a risk of rejection, or building your end of a loving relationship and not having it be reciprocated. But often people who are receiving love, tend to be more loving back. Also, in loving others we learn more about what love means to us, and how to ask for that in return, and even love ourselves more.
Remember, Erica Jong said " Love is everything it's cracked up to be....It really is worth fighting for. And the trouble is if you don't risk anything, your risk is even greater".
Today is not over, what unexpected kindness can you show to your partner right this moment? How can you build your love stock?
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