Tuesday night I found myself moving our living room furniture. Then yesterday between exciting bouts of laying on the couch, I did laundry, and later in the evening pulled everything out of a few kitchen cupboards and re-organized. Although these changes have helped, they have remained my feeble attempts to take some control back in a situation that I am feeling pretty powerless in.
As I write this post, I still feel a bit crappy, but the surrender that feeling crappy takes is what is hardest for me.
Back a few years ago when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I found it odd that the rest of the world just kept going. Nothing even slowed down outside of me and my family.
In the midst of tragedy, that is what feels so hard, that life keeps going.
it is also what makes things so right.
when we hurt, birds still sing, when we cry, children still let out squeals of laughter, when we can't seem to drag ourselves off the couch, people still need to feel our love. When everything feels like it is crumbling around us, there is still a God that loves us, and keeps everything else going, even when it makes us feel a little frustrated.
There is a song called Your Hands, by J.J. Heller, that I cling to in times like these. And today, although part of me believes I may soon pop more pills for my aching head, or once again venture to the bathroom, I know that I will get better; the birds will sing, children will laugh, and I will love whole heartedly once again.